Secret calls
by Lololova
Summary: Thanks so much to Vala who sent me this prompt about a week ago! Without her this little something wouldn't have seen the light of day, so to say lol. Hope you're all having an amazing week! Prompt will be at the end of this one shot in order not to spoil too much. All you need to know is it's set in early S4, enjoy loves!


**_A/N: _**_Thanks so much to Vala who sent me this prompt about a week ago! Without her this little something wouldn't have seen the light of day, so to say lol. Hope you're all having an amazing week! Prompt will be at the end of this one shot in order not to spoil too much. All you need to know is it's set in early S4, enjoy loves!_

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Castle had noticed his partner both making and getting calls every day which she avoided letting him take part of. He'd noticed her behavior change every time the phone rang and she'd always excuse herself before running away in order to answer. At first he had thought nothing of it, had figured it was her dad or something like that, but he had even noticed her quickly hiding the screen every time it went off, as if she was trying to make sure he wouldn't be able to tell who was at the other end.

The writer tried his best not to think too much about it, tried his hardest to ignore the burning need to know, because _really_ it was none of his business who she was talking to. Still he couldn't help but think it was a bit mysterious. Beckett had just gotten back from her recovery, had _just _gone out of her way to try and get him to come back to the precinct. So, _why_ was she so... closed off? _Yes_, she'd talked about walls that day on the swings. She'd told him she was dealing with stuff and trying to heal, that _that _had been the reason as to why she hadn't called him during the whole summer. But she'd also said she was trying to get better, had indirectly said she wanted a relationship with him but that she needed a bit of time first. At least that's what he'd thought.

One day, about a month after being back at the precinct with his partner, Beckett had excused herself to the bathroom while leaving her phone on her desk. Castle hadn't meant to spy on her, _he hadn't,_ but when the phone started ringing he couldn't help himself but look over the screen. It said "Burke" and for a second Castle simply stared at the phone with a furrowed forehead but then all hell had broken loose in his mind. _Who is Burke? Why is he calling her? Are they together? She hasn't mentioned a 'Burke', has she?_ Then the phone had stopped ringing and the screen displayed both the 'missed call' along with a calendar notification saying "Meet Burke" at 6pm that same evening. Leaning back in his chair Castle felt his heart shatter. _What the hell is going on?_ Just when that thought started circling his mind he saw his partner round the corner from the bathroom and for a second he looked at her with wide eyes, as if he got caught doing something he shouldn't. Then he quickly schooled his features and fixiated his eyes towards the murderboard to pretend he was focusing on the case.

"Got anything new?" she asked as she got back and he simply shrugged his shoulders while shaking his head. _How do I even respond to that? Yes, I got something but it has nothing to do with the case?_ "Oh, I gotta take this, I'll be back in a few minutes." Almost as fast as she'd gotten there she went again and when he looked after her he saw her phone held up at her ear. _She never calls me back that fast._ Castle swallowed hard, raked his hand through his short hair as to not grab a hold of the first thing he could find on her desk and throw it crashing to the ground. He needed to get out of there. Quick.

He raised from his chair and put on his jacket, grabbed a pencil and a notepad from her desk in order to write a small message, "Alexis texted. Needed to go home." and left it at that. Before he could see her come back he went to the staircase, not wanting to get stuck in the waiting of the elevator for her to see him, and practically ran down the stairs. Once he was outside the building he set his footsteps towards the park, thinking he both needed some air and some walking. His mind kept wandering back to the fact that she was dating another guy. Had it been this Burke character she'd referred to that day on the swings? _Was I wrong?_ Castle kicked the small stones laying in his path. If he'd known that he wouldn't have gone back. If he knew that he... _fuck it hurts._ He stopped by a bench with the view over a small pond, sat down.

"She doesn't love me," he muttered to himself. _She never loved me._

His eyes watered at the thought, feeling his whole body tremble with the sudden realization. Maybe she even lied about the shooting, maybe she _did_ remember but since she didn't feel the same way she had lied to him. _She could've just told me. I wouldn't have strangled her,_ he thought with a grunt slipping past his lips. It felt so much worse now. _If she'd just come clean from the beginning._ Castle picked up a stone from the ground and, after making sure no one was close or was looking at him he threw it as far as he could out in the pond. He wished he could break something. Just pick up a big vase of glass and throw it onto the ground to see it crash into small pieces, representing the way his heart felt. He chuckled without humor at the comparison. Beckett had lifted his heart with her speech at the swings and now she had quite literally smashed it onto the ground without a single thought as to how many pieces it shattered into. He wanted to hate her for it. Wanted to yell at her and tell her he was done with her and her shenanigans. _But I still love her._

A few days went by and he never told her he knew. He wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the cases, wasn't as intrigued and helpful, but he never gave her any indication as to what was wrong. He gave her angry looks when he thought she wasn't looking, he didn't stick around as long as he used to, didn't come to the crime scene as quickly as he had before. And he most certainly _did not _brainstorm with her the way he used to. Beckett started to notice, saw the way he drew back, and tried to ask him what was wrong, but he simply shrugged his shoulders and said "Oh, everything is fine". She knew it wasn't. He was sulking and she had no clue as to why. When he, after yet another case, declined her offer of wine at her place she crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him. _It hurts._

"What?" he asked and she let's go of a frustrated growl.

"What is going on Castle? What's wrong with you?" _Why don't you want to be near me anymore?_ She didn't voice that last question out of fear of what the answer could be.

Castle almost yelled right back, _wrong with me? What the hell's wrong with you?!_ But he just managed to school his features before he showed anything other than confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked instead.

It turned into a small staring contest, hazels looking into blues trying to find whatever he was so obviously hiding from her. Castle knew she couldn't find anything, or at least that's what he hoped, and he didn't back down. He wasn't going to be the one to blame in this, wasn't going to look away no matter what. To his surprise, though, she _did_ look away after a few seconds. But it wasn't before he had noticed something he wasn't ready to see. _Is that tears?_ She turned her back to him, picked up her jacket and her bag and _why does it make me feel so damn guilty?_

"Beckett?" he asked carefully and felt his heart shake as he watched her avoid looking at him.

"I'm heading home, see you tomorrow," she said but he could hear the way her voice trembled.

"Fine," he said as he watched her walk out of the bullpen. Grumbling to himself he went to the staircase, thinking there was no way he was going to ride the elevator with his partner.

Beckett drove straight home that evening, her vision blurred with the tears that wouldn't stop streaming down her cheeks. She didn't understand what she had done. She didn't understand why her partner was sulking all of the time and didn't seem the least bit excited to be working with her. _Doesn't he love me anymore?_ He almost acted like he was angry with her, hurt by her, but _why?!_ _What did I do?_ She started to think back on the last session she'd had with Burke, how she'd confessed her feelings to Castle while they talked. She'd told the therapist how he was pulling away and the therapist had asked her if she'd asked him what was wrong. He even suggested she'd tell the writer how she felt about him pulling away but that was something she wasn't sure she could handle. _What if he rejects me?_

When she opened the car door she didn't get out as she was supposed to but made a quick decision. It hurt her more not knowing than it would if he would just let her know he didn't love her anymore. With a determined strength she slammed the door shut and started the engine again, setting the wheel towards his loft. She was going to find out what was wrong, no matter what.

Castle flipped back yet another glass of scotch. His mother and daughter had asked him what was wrong when he came home but he'd just said it had been a tough case. To his relief they had let him be, he was able to drown his sorrows by himself. What had flown into Beckett? Had it been tears in her eyes? _She_ was the one with another guy, _not _him. _She_ was the one who'd fooled him, _not _the other way around. _She_ was the...

"Darling, Beckett's here," his mother came into his office with a surprised tone in her voice. He looked up with wide eyes only to see the detective follow behind the elder redhead. His mother moved out of the way to gesture Beckett inside and once the detective passed she started to close the door. "I'll leave you two."

Castle was sure his face expressed exactly how shocked he was for the first minute after the two were alone before he narrowed his eyes at the detective and tugged back the little scotch he had left in his glass.

"What do you want?" he questioned as he raised from his chair in order to turn his back to her, using the refill of his scotch as an excuse to not look at her.

"I want to know what happened. What did I do?" her voice was stronger than it had been only an hour earlier when she'd asked almost the same question in the precinct.

"Nothing happened." It was a simple mumble, he couldn't find it in himself to argue, or even sound angry. He was done with everything.

"It sure as hell did! You're sad all the time! What the hell did I do to make you so hurt? I miss my partner." He grunted. _I miss mine too._

Before he managed to react he felt her fingers wrap around his bicep and started to pull to turn him towards her. Once their eyes met he felt the sting in his. _If only those hazels were mine to drown in._ But they belonged to someone else. _Burke_. Her eyes were pleading with him and he knew she could see the hurt, see the tears develop in his blues, but he stopped caring. _I can't do this anymore._

"I saw his name Beckett," he muttered, his voice trembling, and her eyes widened as her forehead wrinkled in question. "Your boyfriend. _Burke_," he said it with a small disgust. "I thought... I thought you were talking about us that day on those swings. I thought you..." he sighed. "I thought you wanted to be with _me_. But I guess I was wrong." His tears wouldn't stay in place anymore, start trickling down the sides of his cheeks as he felt his heart ache for the woman in front of him. The woman who would never be his.

Beckett was in shock. He could see that, but he just figured it was due to the fact that he'd found out and pulled away from her. The fingers that had been wrapped around his bicep didn't struggle when he pulled and he started to walk away from her. His feet taking him towards his bedroom where he knew he'd be able to hide from everyone for the next few hours.

"_Doctor_ Burke is my therapist."

Her loud and determined voice had him stop in his tracks. _Doctor? Therapist?_

"I see him to heal, _for you._ For _us._ I'm broken, Rick, I was shot in the chest and it doesn't help I've had these walls inside me since my mother died." He turned around and saw the frustrated tears running angrily down her cheeks. "I _want_ a relationship with you but I-I _can't_, not when I'm this _broken_ and keep _falling apart _every night because of nightmares invading my sleep." She's crying, sobbing, and he could see the quivering of her lip before she bit it to keep it still. "Burke just helps me make sense of some of it. He's not my boyfriend."

She looked down, avoiding his gaze he assumed, but he felt his heart start racing for a complete other reason than the fear of losing her.

"He's... not?" He couldn't wrap his mind around it all quite yet. Couldn't possibly believe he'd been so wrong.

"No," the whisper was barely audible as she shook her head.

Carefully he started to walk towards her, his mind racing with thoughts of what she'd just told him. "So," he started, taking another step, "does that mean what I think it means?" _Does it mean you love me too?_

She looked up from under her lashes and _fuck_ that made his heart skip a beat. He loved her so much more than he thought he could ever love another person, well, apart from his daughter and mother then. The only thing disturbing about her look was the tears in her eyes, he felt a stab in his heart because that was _his_ fault. He'd misinterpreted what had really happened, he hadn't even asked her he'd just... sulked around and punished her in his own silent way.

Kate took a deep breath before exhaling slow, as if building courage, and put her arms hugging around her chest, as if protecting her heart. "Yes." Her voice wasn't louder than a whisper but it was still stronger than he was expecting.

Without too much thought he strolled up to her, cupped her cheeks as gentle as he could possibly touch her and connected his lips to hers. _Cherries_. She didn't just _smell_ like cherries, she _tasted _of them too. He felt her arms unwrap themselves from the way she protected her chest and for a second he feared she would push him away. But she didn't. Her arms snaked down to his hips before they continued onto his back where her fingers crumpled into his shirt to pull him impossibly closer.

"Mmm." Her sudden moan had him deepening the kiss, their tongues stroking together in a way he'd only dreamed of.

They didn't part until they were in need of air, and when they did it was just their lips that parted. There was no need to space between them, not now, not when they were chest to chest and he could so perfectly feel her heartbeat against his.

"I'm sorry," he breathed out and she snuck her face into the crook of his neck as her grip tightened around him. He didn't mind at all, simply put his arms tighter around her body too.

"I'm sorry too," she uttered, the way she snuggled with her hair grazing his skin had shivers going down his spine. "I should've told you. I should've just told you."

He kissed the top of her head, felt her body melt into his. "And I should've asked, instead of assuming."

Letting a beat of silence go by she just hugged him, as he hugged her, before she opened her mouth again, voice filled with teasing. "Yeah, you should have."

He pulled away slightly only to see her glistening eyes fill with a small mischief as her lips pulled up in a smirk. "Funny," he said with a smile and she giggled. _So, Kate Beckett giggles_. "And a smile," he teased as she pursed her lips. Those lips were too inviting for him not to kiss her again. As he did he let one of his hands move up to wipe away whatever trails there were left of the tears that had fallen earlier.

When they pulled away he kept stroking her cheek and Kate felt the tingles from his touch travel from her skin into her veins. She couldn't stop smiling. Mere minutes ago she'd been crying with fear of losing him but now she was grinning with a lightness in her heart that she thought she'd never feel.

**_THE END_**

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_**Prompt:** Early S4. Beckett has her therapist in her phone just as "Burke" and when Castle sees it (ringing or the call log is showing) he thinks it's some other guy. She notices him sulking, gets it out of him & comes clean about therapy and everything much sooner._

_**A/N: **Again, thank you so much Vala! Until next time, xxxx_


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